Santa in Separated or Blended Families
By Justine Firth, founder of Still Counts
When children move between households, Santa traditions do not need to look exactly the same.
What helps most is having a shared understanding of the bigger things, particularly how questions will be answered as children’s curiosity begins to change.
Children are often comfortable with different routines in different homes. Christmas Eve may look one way in one household and completely different in another.
The confusion tends to come when the explanations contradict each other.
Where possible, have a brief conversation with the other grown-ups involved before the season begins.
You might agree on:
- how Santa is spoken about in each household
- what Santa brings and what comes from family
- how gifts will work across homes
- what to say if a child begins asking more direct questions
- how you will let each other know if an important conversation has taken place
You do not need to agree on every tradition.
One home may leave out carrots while another leaves biscuits. Santa may bring gifts to both homes or visit one household while family gifts are exchanged elsewhere.
Children can usually make sense of those differences when the underlying explanation feels steady.
If your child asks, “Why does Santa do things differently at Mum’s and Dad’s?”, you could say:
“We celebrate Christmas a little differently in each home. Here, we hang stockings. At Dad’s, you leave out a Christmas sack. Both are ways we make Christmas special for you.”
Use the names and traditions that fit your family. Keep the explanation simple and avoid suggesting that one household is doing Christmas the right way.
If they ask where Santa will leave their presents, give them a clear answer based on what you’ve arranged. For example: “Your stocking will be here on Christmas morning. You’ll celebrate with Dad when you go there on Boxing Day.”
If a question comes up in one home first, pause and find out what the child is really asking.
Respond to the question in front of you rather than giving more information than they are ready for. Afterwards, let the other household know what was asked and how you responded.
The aim is not to make every Christmas moment identical.
It is to help the child feel that the grown-ups around them are not telling competing versions of the same story.
About the author
Justine Firth is a mother of two and the founder of Still Counts, an Australian brand creating thoughtful conversation tools for families. She created The Big Questions: Santa to help grown-ups find words for the curious questions children ask while enjoying the Santa story together.
Questions grown-ups often ask
When the questions
begin to change
It is not always easy to tell whether a child is simply curious or beginning to understand Santa differently.
The Santa Conversation Guide helps you recognise what may sit behind the question and find words that feel right for your child, your family and the moment.
RECEIVE THE GUIDE